Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Funnies

Finally Friday!!!

I love Friday! I love to link up with Kim at Homesteaders Heart to tell jokes. I love to laugh, love humor, and love love. I so look forward to this day. After reading my coupe jokes for the day, go over to Kim and see what is tickling every one's funny bone!

Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of
stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since
this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON.

Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American
Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, and Northern Tissue
Company. Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight
on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may
be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today,
and millions were wiped clean.

It's a tough market out there. Be careful!
And Secondly (because I can!):
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding.

Old Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding .

Old Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Old Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Old Woman: No, I lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please .

Old Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Old Woman: Because I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Old Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner!

Officer: You what?

Old Woman: I hacked up the owner and His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Old Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Old Woman: Why yes, here are my registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands her license to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Old Woman: AND I Bet THAT liar told you I was speeding, too!!!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies
I LOVE THIS ONE. ...I am going to remember this for future reference....just in case.
Happy Friday!


Homesteader in Training said...

LOL! I got that a long time ago but haven't read it in awhile. I LOVE it. Thanks for linking up my friend and spreading some fun today.

Marsha said...

I could've used this a few years ago! I'd never had a ticket and then I got 2 within 6 weeks of each other!

Thanks for the great laughs this morning!

Mental P Mama said...

I may just try to get a ticket and use this. Not. Too funny, though. I bet you have heard some doozies of your own. My husband sure did;)

Laurie Ann said...

Oh my! Too funny! Thanks for sharing!

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

I LOVE this song! I haven't heard this song in YEARS!!!

Tonjia said...

I get this one a couple times a year in my email and I love it every single time! thanks for the giggle on this beautiful Friday morning!

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Very funny! And I like your new profile pic!