Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Funnies

It's Friday!!! Hope you have a wonderful day, and if you have little costume wearers be SAFE!
Join Kim at Homesteaders Heart for her weekly fun of Friday Funnies!

This first one is pretty scarey, so don't read it in the dark or before you go to bed!

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...FASTER...BUMP...BUMP... BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clappingclappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.Bumping and clapping toward him.The man screams and reaches for something, anything,but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...and,


you're going to love this


The coffin stops !!!!!!


And a second joke just because I love Friday Funnies and I have a ton!


The Old Gas Station

The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick.
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.

'Where is the ladies restroom, sir?'
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car.
Just like three gals before.

She tripped and fell -- got up,
And then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy,
Would stop his whittling long enough, to speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear
'Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here'

8 comments:

Homesteader in Training said...

Oh no! Those are two funny. I love the second one LOL. Thanks for sharing my friend.
Happy Friday!
Hugs.

Esthermay said...

That second one just plain scares me. It has always been fear of mine -- since childhood -- that something would reach up and bite my butt! YIKES... Hate this one.
:-(
But the coughin' OH, this is a keeper. We've got a construction guy on our roof right now coffin' up a storm. I already (literally) tossed some Dimetapp up to him about ten minutes ago. I will print this out and stick it with his napkin at lunch break.
FUNNY!

Employee No. 3699 said...

Those were both good ones!

Happy Halloween!

He And Me + 3 said...

Those were great! Love it...the coffin stopped. Cute!

Kathy C. said...

LOL - that's funny stuff. :)

Mental P Mama said...

Literally, LingOL!

Tonjia said...

LOLOLOL!!! I always look forward to your friday funnies!!

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

You picked two excellent ones today! I got a good laugh! Have a great weekend!