Saturday, August 2, 2008

Kids, Gotta Love Them

My Greatest Joy
Today has been a busy day. I got up this morning and of course went straight to my blog friends. I love to get up and see what everyone has to say and what has been going on in their lives. I spend a couple hours reading every one's blogs and playing on the computer. I don't even bother reading the newspaper any more. I learn everything I need to know in the world by reading my blogs.
Today I sent Scott to eat breakfast with my parents and then to the little farm and ranch store known as Atwoods. We get our feed there for the birds, dogs , squirrels, and horses. And I was out of feed. Plus he was helping my dad get a disk for the pasture or something like that. I don't really know (nor care!). Then he had to run over to the body shop (for the car not him!) to get an estimate on the car damage. Not as bad as I had feared thank goodness. About $1,500.00 worth, I can take it in Tues, get a rental car, and hopefully the car will be done by the weekend. That sounds pretty good me. One down and how many more issues to deal with today?
While Scott was gone I cleaned the carpet. I had dirty carpet and with three dogs (big ones at that!) I have to clean the carpet fairly often. They have big feet that love to track in dirt, mud and junk. And our carpet was beige! Was....So I spent the morning getting that done. I also got a phone call today. It seems my kiddo has a debt issue that I am going to have help take care of. Love my kids but good grief. Remind me again why we have kids???? Oh yes, in hopes of grandchildren someday....that's right. I think it should be against the law for anyone under the age of say 22, 23, oh I don't know 25-30 to be able to get a credit card!!!! I hate credit cards and credit card debts. I am very lucky that I do not have any, and if at all possible, won't. I pay off any charges I get at the end of each month. I sure wish my kids had the same financial savvy that I do. But I am pretty sure at the age of 24, 25 or so that I made some pretty bad decisions. Difference? I had no one to help bail me out. So am I really helping my kids when they make bad choices or am I enabling them? I wonder about my helping habits. Am I really helping? I wish as I was trying to deal with issues as a young adult I would have had help, and guidance, but I didn't. I feel, no, I know that my first marriage fell apart due to our lack of ability to manage money. That and a few (lots) of other reasons, but that is my other story of my life! So not having any help during my growth period, I felt I was doing my kids a favor helping them. Now I just don't know. It is a very hard decision. Trying to balance what is right, with ....I don't know, what am I trying to balance it with? I want them to be productive, well developed individuals. I have spent their whole lives building, molding, shaping them to that goal. Yes, we all make mistakes, myself included. So I try to lead them by example, and I try to help pick them up when they fall down, fall hard. I thought I would never have a good relationship with my step-daughter, I feared that for many years. We fought, and sometimes we fought hard. But I never gave up. I never gave up for I just wanted her to love me. I wanted us to be able to be a family that overcame the odds. And after many years it has happened. What would have happened if I gave up? Then we would not be where we are today. I have a good relationship with her today and the grandchildren she has blessed me with. And we are developing a relationship with a wonderful son-n-law. They have grown, they have opened their hearts and mind to us being back into their lives and we are all so blessed by it. So how much do you help your kids? How long do you go before you give up? I know as an officer what I have told people. But when it is your child I don't think you ever give up.Family is all we have. One life is all we are given. I just feel we have to make the best of it. The good and the bad, they all come together. I love my kids, I love them more than ......I don't know, it is easy to say "more than life itself". I think that is true. I love my children, my offspring, my part of me that I treasure so much. I would do anything for them, anything that I can. But.....how long, how far, and how much do we do? If you have the answer please share it with me. I have an open mind, and a wounded heart.

8 comments:

Homesteader in Training said...

Wow, that's a challenging issue. I have always been great with money. Noone taught me it was just common sense to me that if you didn't have the money for something you didn't buy it until you did. I never owned a credit card. But I did end up marrying someone who was raised differently, He would get himself in debt with credit cards and whatever and then mommy and daddy would bail him out. Well like you our marriage ended in divorce. I don't think it teaches a child responsibility for later in life if they are constantly being bailed out. It's what my parents always called "tough love" they had to do that with one of my older siblings but if they hadn't she wouldn't be who she is today. We love our kids but once they leave the nest they will suffer the consequences of the decisions they make, whether good or bad. Now if their life was threatened or something like that that's different but if they don't feel the financial pain of the decisions they made then they will just grow up to be someone who will file bankruptcy and have everyone else end up paying for their mistakes with our taxes and whatnot. My advice says let them suffer through it but it's easy to say when I'm not the one going through it. Well that's it from me lol. You still love me lol? I'm very passionate about finances and money issues if you couldn't tell lol. I highly recommend being on a budget. My husband and I have stuck to a budget that got us through layoffs and hard times. Direct them to a financial counselor or something like that. IT's still helping them but you aren't "bailing" them out.
Blessings my friend. I hope it all works out.
Kim

Debbie said...

Okay, we've already discussed this :) I hope the weekend goes as planned and after all is said and done, it works out well.

My gosh you've been busy!! Geesh. I did manage to pay bills and get thru some of the massive paperwork piles. I uninstalled Yahoo Msg for a minute and now I have to reinstall it. Changing up here...LOL

Putz said...

she will love you....guaranteed

suzette said...

My kid hasn't gotten herself into a financial jam. She's actually better at managing her money than I am. But, life keeps handing her lemons, and I help however I can. She's been living with me since last September...long story...and now she's finally able to move into her own place. I didn't charge her rent while she was here, although I know many parents would. That was my way of helping. Today, I'll schlepp boxes up three flights of stairs. In 100 degree heat. I should charge her for that!

Helping is what parents do. In the hopes that when you need help getting your gruel to your mouth, they'll be there to help YOU. :)

Tonjia said...

I wish I had a profound answer for you Lisa, but sadly, I dont.

I absolutely LOATHE credit cards. There is a reason for that, my ex and I got into horrible financial trouble because of credit cards and our fondness of using them.

My husband and I now, have no credit cards. We pay cash for everything. including vacations. It puts a little crimp in us being able to just take off and go on vacation somewhere like most of my coworkers, one of which who has gone to Mexico, disneyworld and getting ready to go to Hawaii all in one year all charged on numerous credit cards...

We have our share of goodies we pay for and we also have the luxury of knowing that we dont have to pay for them later. I like it that way.

good luck with the kiddos. Parenting isnt easy is it?

Sage said...

We have helped kids out, but really only two out of seven. And those two are the two most damaged by alcohol in the womb, FASD, which is permanent brain damage done to them by their birth mom. They just don't seem to learn lessons from failures! We, however, are no longer helping much. One is going to be 40 this year, and she is living day to day, never enough food but always enough money for vodka. We refuse to pay for alcohol. The other kid, her younger brother, has finally gotten a job and has begun to support his wife and child. However, he owes about 4 cell phone companies big bucks. Why they keep giving him a phone is beyond me! He is plugging along though, making payments in lots of different directions, probably interest adding up faster than the small payments, but unless his little boy is going hungry we won't help him either, as extra money would go to alcohol. He is working at things though. If any of the other five needed money though, we would probably help as they have all done very well managing their money.

Yup, we sometimes love them too much. We probably shouldn't bail them out when they make foolish mistakes. At least after the second or third mistake!

Blessings on your Sunday.

Joni said...

I help my children when it feels like the right thing to do...but I also try to listen to that inner voice that lets me know they need to work something out on their own...I stand by my word and I expect the same of them. It's difficult sometimes knowing they are having a hard time, but they need to experience some of the pitfalls in life to fully appreciate the hard work behind money earned. We haven't had to deal with any credit card issues, but credit cards are a no-no in my family and only used for emergencies and not even then if possible. I would go to the ends of the earth for both of my children, but sometimes that means letting them walk a few steps ahead. I never look at anything as a "mistake"...everyone gets into a jam now and then and everyone deserves a break too...all for the glory of growing and finding where we fit into this world...one thing I have tried to internalize...helping shouldn't come with stipulations...either I am all in (no questions asked) or I'm not...lessons aren't really learned just because someone says "don't do that again"...they have to feel it on their own to understand. I think you did the right thing by helping...it takes a little longer for some people to find their roots...nothing wrong with that...she is blessed to have a parent who is willing and able to help.

that was certainly a mouthful...no apologies *wink

Mental P Mama said...

I have decided that being a parent is a lifetime event--not that we don't know this already. But they are always the CHILDREN.