Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Hello Again Ladies

Been Forever
Well I thought I should try to catch a few of you up who don't follow me on facebook...ie Marge! But I can also talk a little more privately and openly with my blog than I can on f/b.
A lot has been going on and boy have the emotions been high.
So Christmas came and went, we had a really nice time with Todd and I think he had a good time as well. We showed him a big family Christmas with tree, gifts, stocking, hidden gift to find, extended family, more gifts, and food. I think he had a good time and I think he will remember it. But it was short lived. by about Dec 29th I think, his father got out of prison. Todd became very agitated and life became a bit more complicated. But he lived through it and then school started back up a few days later.
It was after school starting again, his girlfriend broke up with him. He was pretty upset, as was I for he was getting some ugly text messages from girls. One cussed him out and he told me about it so my feathers got a little ruffled. But I didn't say anything to the girl. Around this same time Todd's mom got out of prison, Jan 11th. She was suppose to be picked up by Smith County deputies and transported back to Tyler for there was a warrant out for her arrest on bogus check (hot check). Well, they didn't do it.....we didn't know it, but she got out and got on a bus and went back to Tyler. Here is where the mess all started. She had wanted me to get her a bus ticket to Tulsa, find her a place to stay etc. She said I could drop her off at the Salvation Army. Well I checked into it and you can't do that. We were coming into some bad weather and cold temps, and there was no way I could drop a 64 year old lady in a wheel chair off and just leave her. AND I could not/would not bring her into my home. Todd started getting antsy and Scott and I both knew things were fixin' to get rough round here. She got mad and said I refused a collect call from her (I didn't), she started calling Todd and they would talk for hours. Or he would call her and talk for hours. I expected it, she is his mother and he loves her. But I just was not prepared for how he would change. He kept reassuring me that he was not leaving....We had some serious talks and I would cry, and at times so would he. I felt like we had really connected and did feel that he was going to stay with us.
We had planned to take Todd to Texas to visit with his mom the weekend after she was released. He had asked if we could go and he needed to see her. I understood that. We had planned this trip even before she was released. But the Friday before we were to go, Todd got into trouble at school. I feel the school went to an extreme, they suspended him OUT OF SCHOOL for five days. He was in computer class and not cooperating with the teacher. She got on to him and he said to another student (which she overheard) "she better not mess up my weekend or she will regret it." So they suspended him for threatening the teacher. I asked the principal to not give him out of school, but rather in school suspension. She said no. If the assistant principal had dealt with Todd, I think she would have done what I asked, but the principal has never been a Todd fan. She is the one that did not even want to let him in her school....because his grades were not high enough. (she told me that) Well there was no way I would keep him from going to see his mom. I had planned to get them a hotel room, and food etc so they could spend time....quality time together. But Friday night I talked to him and offered to let him stay the week there in Texas with his mom if he would ride the bus. Or we would drive him there and only stay the three days. Well he called his mom to ask if he could stay the week and it was a disaster. She shot him down, treated him like crap, he broke....he was completely broken by his mother. It was a HORRIBLE night. The next morning we decided to still go and still get the hotel room. The drive down there was horrible as well. She kept getting on to Todd every time he called her. She was so mean to him. I told Scott I did not like this, this trip was not going to end good at all.
As we got to Tyler, we stayed at TJ's house, took Todd around where all he wanted and needed to go. Starting with his "granny Ruth's" house. We took her the Christmas presents Todd had bought her, we visited for a minute and then left Todd there to visit. Scott and I just left to give them time together. After a couple hours, and by this time it was late at night, we headed back to TJ's house, and here we go again. Todd's mom and Todd get into an argument over the phone. I can't stand it. She gets on to him for not coming to see her. I finally call her myself and tell her, I was the one driving the car, not him, and I was not going to North Tyler. sorry, but not going to happen. TJ told me to stay out of there especially late at night. So that is what I did. I had gotten them a hotel room for the next day and night, I had bought food for them, soda, tea, candy, and cash to go eat on...and you know what she says???? What? They aren't taking us out to a nice restaurant to eat? Ummmm nope! not after how you have treated Todd for the past several hours and me for that matter. I really was dreading this hole weekend.
Sunday we took Todd to the hotel, gathered up all the food and things. We had pictures of Todd that I had taken, lotions and bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, all kinds of personal things for her to have. A nice batch of items for her to have. We drop him off, and we leave.
We had talked to the front desk and told them about what all had been happening. We asked if she would keep her ears opened in case there is an argument would she call me. She said she would. She being the lady that runs the front desk and I am guessing owns the hotel (Mrs. Patel) for she lives there. She was super nice and I really appreciated how she was so willing to help. So all night I was very nervous....it was a bad feeling....I was honestly very worried for and about Todd. That was a very long night for me.
The next day we went to the hotel to get Todd. We had told him we would be there between 10 and 11. We arrived at 10:15, went to his room and spoke to his mom. I told him we needed to be heading out, for we were going to go get his things from "Vicki", the lady who threw him out of the house when TJ met up with him. He wanted to get his special things and we were going to try and help him reach that goal. Well, that started the first of the problems of that day. First he was mad because he wanted to wait till 11:00 to leave. I told him no, I was sorry, but we had a long drive home, and plus getting his things from Vicki, we needed to be going. He was mad. We told him we would be waiting for him in the car. He came out in a few minutes. All this time his mother never said thank you, or anything. She kept saying to him in a whiney voice, "it's ok Todd, just go on, I will be fine...." I knew we were going to be in trouble. As we were driving to Vicki's house, his anger continued. I had him call her to make sure she was home. She wasn't. She was in another town about 20 minutes away. there started the second problem. He wanted his things, she was not home. I spoke with her on the phone and asked if there was another person that could give him his things...she said yes, but she did not want Todd in her house. I said ok, I understood. So I went to the house and got the things she handed out to me and Todd was FURIOUS. He wanted in that house. When he did not get all his stuff that he wanted he became more enraged. Scott had to basically keep him in the car. We left and drove around the corner to wait for Vicki at Tony's house. Tony could calm him down if anyone could. Well for over an hour Todd just kept going on and on, not calming down, I called his mom, I called vicki, I was getting pretty worn down. Todd didn't want to come home. bottom line.....Tony asked for me to let Todd stay the week (well a few days) and since he was suspended I really didn't have any choice. I knew if we tried to MAKE him get in the car he would fight us all the way back home. So we had to just let him stay. I knew it was a bad decision....for him. But I also knew he was not my son and I could not make him go. I cried. I hugged him and told him goodbye, told him I loved him, kissed his cheek, and that is the last time I have seen him. I cried....I sobbed....Scott even asked me to let him drive, but I said no, I was fine, I wasn't but I wanted to drive. About an hour out of town we get a phone call and the police have already been called to Tony's house involving Todd. What a mess.
Now that we are home and things are settling down, Todd has called and stayed in touch. His phone conversations have not been that good towards us either. He was suppose to stay a week and then come back but I knew in my heart it was not going to happen, and I was right. The next weekend when I called and was making the arrangements to get his bus ticket he had an attitude with me and I just told him goodby and hung up the phone. I knew it was not going to work, the week that he stayed there in Texas, he had returned to the boy that he once was. I had to say good by to the Todd I knew, the Todd was had watch change and grow. Now he calls and still wants me to hurry up and mail him his clothes, get him his things, give him his stuff that we have gotten for him while he was here. I had cleaned out cabinets and given him some things for him and his mom.....they want them now. Oh by the way....after leaving him there, he is NOT living with his mom. He can't. So now he is back to staying with Granny Ruth and she does not have room for him,but he is there. He is in school after being out for two weeks......he tells me it is really hard for they do not work with him on his schedule or classes or anything. I told him I was sure sorry. He told me he was bored, for he can't get on the internet, or do anything.....I told him I was sure sorry. He asked if I had mailed his I-pod yet.....nope, we have had a blizzard here and no mail even ran for over a week, and then another storm came in and I had not gotten out to mail him anything. Then he calls and wants to know where his check is. Where HIS money is....then his mom emails me demanding his check and his things. So I called S.S. and told them what is going on, what the situations is and we got things worked out. I am off his case, and his mother can go to the S. S. office and take it up with them. I was told she will not get the money for Todd is not living with her. But not my problem. I told his mom that I will bring all his stuff to him my next trip to Texas. I have everything boxed up and I am ready for it to be out of my house. but I don't want to take it there when Ruth has no room for his things, and his mother doesn't have room for it, and I am not where I can go to Texas right now anyways. So it will happen when I can make it happen. We already spent $20.00 mailing his first box of clothes. He has another three big boxes, and two or three little boxes....plus his laundry "tub" and his prized pitcher and bowl set from his natural grandmother. It will be a car load no doubt. I can take it and go see TJ, but not for another couple weeks. He had even talked about coming up for spring break, but I doubt that he will now. Life has been complicated. I miss him, but I think it is pretty sure that he can't come back. We had told him this door was always opened. But I fear that now with all that has been said and done, and the treatment we have gotten from him/them does not lend me to have much of an open door policy now. He will have to have a huge change of heart if he ever wants to come back. He has already started back to a lot of his old ways and I don't want to have to deal with that again. His mother is not taking care of him, but she has ruined him for us.
there is a lot more to talk about with my daughter and her boyfriend, my step daughter and her husband....life is crazy. But I will stop for now and try to post another one in the next month or two...ahahah!!!!
I am doing ok, i miss Todd, but I am honestly ok. Our life is settling back down. I think of this and that thinking Todd would have enjoyed doing this, or Todd would have enjoy enjoyed eating there...but he made his choices and that is all I can do......accept it....and hope he know I love him and always will.

6 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

He. Knows.

Marge said...

I am so sorry. It hurts, doesn't it. But he'll remember. He'll always remember what you did for him and that you loved him. I'll call soon, in the late afternoon when I'm sitting outside in the Tucson sun!

Love ya!

Paxie said...

Yes hon, he does know and will never forget. You've shown him what life is supposed to be like. God also knows you've give a young boy a chance and did all that you could.

I know this hurts terribly and you really care about him. Sending you big hugs and lots of love ♥

claudia said...

It is so hard to take care of teens. He knows in his heart how good it was for him at your house and he knows exactly how much you love him. You need to take care of yourself too you know!
I can make what ever you want for the basket/picture blanket for babies. You just need to let me know what size and color(s) would work best for you. Also, let me know how long you want the fringe. If it seems as though the weaving may take to long to get one made up for you, I can always crochet on for you.
It would be an honor to do this for you!

Joni said...

Sometime, perhaps a few years down the road when he reflects back on things, he will sure regret some of his choices. You guys really went all out to help this young man. He at least can carry that love he felt around with him and you just never know how that might change his life someday.

Daily Muse said...

I was thinking today about how the lives we live impact others. I remember the first day I met Todd at Freddie's Steakhouse...I almost forgot about that meeting. Lisa, Todd changed and grew so much during his stay with you, the impact you had on shaping him, even ever so briefly, will stay with him forever. No one can take that away from him. God bless you for your heart and love for this young man...I love you!