Friday, May 15, 2009

Friday Funnies

It is Friday already and I have not posted all week. But on the flip side....after the rain today and tomorrow we are suppose to get, Tulsa OK will have had rain 21 days in a row!!! We broke the record!!!! Since 1954 and 19teen something there has not been this many days in a row. The sun is shinning right now, the temps are getting hot, and you know what that means???? Severe weather tonight. Well I am not worried. We live in a very safe area, sort of in a valley, so tornadoes do not scare me. Highly unlikely one would hit my house. But my spirits are high, I still love to laugh so I am joining in Kim at Homesteaders Heart at tickling the funny bone.

New Alphabet
A is for apple, and B is for boat,

That used to be right, but now it won't float.

Age before beauty is what we once said,

But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet
A's for arthritis;

B's the bad back,

C's the chest pains,

Perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which we'd rather not mention.

H High blood pressure--We'd rather it low;

I For incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory; we forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions. We have quite a few,

Just give us a pill and we'll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting our fears,

T is for Tinnitus; bells in our ears!

U is for urinary; troubles with flow;

V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?

X is for X-ray, and what might be found.

Y for another year we are left here behind,

Z is for zest WE still have -- in OUR minds.
We've survived all the symptoms, our body's deployed,

and We're keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed.

and now one more because I have it,
and I like it
and it has rained for THREE WEEKS.

Incident at Cabela's
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter..
A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes..'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.
I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.
Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34..50 please.
'The woman is totally confused by this and asks, '
Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?
How did you get $34.50?
'He replies, '
Yes, ma'am.... The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50!!!!
ha ha ha, I still laugh when I read this I need to go check out the row boat!


"Hello... It's Me Again..." said...

Those were funny! Go see my funnies at:

The Real Me! said...

OH those were so funny. I am laughing so hard! Thanks for joining in my friend.
Send some rain down here will ya? Keep the tornados just the rain!

claudia said...

Those were good. I wasn't expecting the end of the second one. Thanks for the laughs!

Debbie said...

That one caught me by surprise LOL LOL! Yes, rain. Our weekend will be wet too. And my neighbor in the back decided to backhoe, so now I have more mud in the creek. Oh well. Love ya!

Reddirt Woman said...

Those are both too funny. We had an inch and a half last night down here. I don't know if I'll ever get the schnauzer babies clean and silvery again. I think we have had rain 18 out of the last 21 days. I've been checking between my toes to see if webs are starting to grow. If it walks like a duck it probably lives in Oklahoma.


Mental P Mama said...

Oh, those are good ones! Duck Call. ::snort::

Tonjia said...

mwahahahahaaaa!!!! good one, thanks for the laugh