Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Where to Start?

Six Months Ago
Well where do I begin this posting? I will be surprised if anyone even reads it since I have not posted in over six months. So what should I talk about? How about just life?
Life, it has been going on around here at our house. My daughter lost her job in March, and lost her dog. Daisy was once again trying to escape and we had done everything known to man to prevent it. But she got hung up on the fence and died. Beth came home to find her and I am furious that NO ONE called the police or animal control or anything and you know that dog had to be crying in pain. She was hanging by her back leg on a wooden fence. Are people really that shallow? Or maybe it didn't happen the way I see it in my head. But that was so upsetting. So that was on Friday and she lost her job on Monday. I was a basket case over that. There is a whole lot to the story that I just don't want to go in to. but I feel mostly it is a bunch of men who did not like Beth dating Matt (because he is black) and she did bring their drama to work. So they got tired of it in my opinion. But when they told her she didn't make coffee in the morning or tea really set me over the edge. She doesn't drink either, is NOT a secretary, and had not been told to do so. They were slobs and did not keep the kitchenette clean or the bathroom. But they got upset with her because the place was not clean. Well why was it her job to clean up their pee all over the floor, or messing bathroom sink, their spilt coffee on the cabinet. They could also have hired a cleaning person to some vacuum, empty trash or TELL her that it is her job. Frustrating, but I do want to say that I am grateful to the guys for hiring her and giving her a chance. Things just did not work out.
Ok, then....my step daughter continued to have her affair with this Sean guy. She was pretty open about it, didn't matter to her that her husband said to stop, didn't matter she was hurting her children, nothing mattered but her selfish desires and her affair. But then I got frustrated with my son in law because when he got tired of her on going affair, she decided to go pick up a girl from the bar, or go sleep with a friend (with benefits!) So he sure showed her! In the mean time those precious kids suffered from the yelling, fighting, lies, cussing, and physical conflicts. Caleb was told to not talk to the counselor at school for they were afraid that the kids might be taken away. Ya think? This has gone on and to this day I believe she is still with him for she is not speaking to me now. She has blocked me facebook and then created another facebook page using the name Sarah Jobes not Harrison. Interesting huh? But I found out she is still friends with the guy she had the affair with and his wife. Oh wait, he divorced his wife and moved her into a trailer a few feet from his house so she could shack up with the hired hand on the farm. So I wonder did the threesome just increase to a foursome? hummm? I contacted a couple attorneys trying to get custody of the kids but I had waited too long and the emergency situation had passed....and now she is very careful about what I know. She has threaten Caleb that she will "beat him" if he tells me anything. Poor little guy. And he told me that himself. He threatened to jump out of a moving truck if his parents didn't stop fighting, but this was because his mother threatened to jump out of a moving truck in front of her kids. Can you imagine how that made Caleb feel? And he tells me it is HIS FAULT. That if he would just be better behaved, or do more around the house or not fight with his sister. I told him NO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. This poor boy will be messed up in the head for the rest of his life. My son in law has now deployed so Sarah can't divorce him while he is at sea. But I have reason to believe she is still with Sean, I won't give away my sources but when I need to pull out the big guns I will have it. That is part of why she won't talk to me for she thinks I am stupid, and of course she calls me all kinds of grown up names in front of my grandkids. Isn't she lovely? I guess you can tell I am a bit angry.
Ok, so after that.....(which continues to this day!) My poor little Callie got sick. In May Callie was coughing and I just didn't like the way she sounded. I had taken her to the vet in Dec for Heartworm testing but was not confident in the vet we saw. So my fear was her cough was due to heartworms. We went to a new doctor who also has boxers and I knew that. He listened to her heart and told me to rush her to the hospital. I didn't, we went the next day and the doctor there put her in ICU and the mess started. She had a bad heart. I can't spell all the things she had, but it was an irregular heart beat and then she went into heart failure due to some medicine they gave her. It was the reaction to it. So from then on she was on three or four meds a day. Then as time went by things got worse. I took Rudy to the vet just a week ago to get him heartworm tested and took Callie with me. Well she started breathing really hard and bad and the look on her face was the lights were on, but no one was home. I got so scared. My vet said to rush her back to the hospital. She had called and talk to our specialist and that is what he said to do. Well I did, and she collasped in the car. I got her there and they stabilized her, kept her for about three or four days. She came on Friday but I could tell she was not ok. Her medicine was $100, for one and $100 for another plus her hospital bill was about 1,000. I talked to the doctor about what her prognosis was and he said he felt good that this new medicine would regulate her heart and things would be ok. But he said, if it didn't, there was nothing else they could do for her. All weekend she kept getting worse and I could tell. I was going to take her back to the vet on Monday but that morning she would not take her medicine, and she would not eat. All the sudden she started breathing really hard. She went outside and just looked lost. She couldn't stand up and just laid down panting. It was misting and I knew she would not lay there if she were ok. I went out in my pj's picked up my baby and carried her into the house. I yelled for Scott to come and told him she wasn't going to make it. He went to get dressed (and I guess decided to take a shower etc) and I laid there with her on her pillow and told her it was ok, it was ok to just go. She looked at me and I could tell she was not going to make it. She would take a breath and then stop. She did that about three times and then was gone. Of course tears are streaming down my face right now as I relive it again with you. But I kissed on her and hugged her and cried. Poor Rudy was right there with me and I know it is really hard on him too. But I know she was tired of taking all that medicine and she was tired of not being able to run and play. So as sad as I am (and I am really really sad!) I do have some peace that she went quickly, God did not make me decided this time how long she was to live which had been my prayer, and I knew what the outcome was going to be at some point in time soon. My life had been on hold while I took care of her. I slept on the sofa to let her out at night and to not disturb Scott's sleep. I did not go to Texas for my son's 30th birthday because I knew she was not having a good weekend. I told him she would be gone soon and please don't begrudge me. At least she died knowing how much she was loved and she died with me knowing how much she loved and trusted me. Oh this is harder to write than I expected. I miss her but I know it will get easier with time. I just went through this with Zoe FIFTEEN MONTHS ago.
Now here is more. I have been having terrible pain up under my ribs on the right side. So here goes all the testing and me putting things off and this and that. I thought it was gall bladder (well after I really thought it was my back out of place!)
But all the testing showed it was not the gall bladder. But they found a spot on my lungs....They decided to test the upper part of my lungs to see if there were more spots. there was, and there was something on my thyroid and something about my esophagus. Now more testing. I am tested out. Everything shows to be....OK more or less. They are going to just keep an eye on things and see if anything grows. But I am tired of testing and it has cost soooo much, this has been such a bad year for us and expenses.
So I thought things were pretty much done with that paragraph. WRONG. In May Beth and Matt found out the land lord did not renew their lease. Then he kept their deposit after I worked my BUTT off cleaning that house. I hate people that lie. Had I known he was NOT going to give them the money back, we would have walked away. But he told Beth she would get it back. I told her to take him to small claims court but she didn't. THEN.....I find out she is pregnant. That was really hard. This all happens the end of May, Callie is sick, Chris is deploying, Sarah is openly going to Westville to be with her boyfriend, Beth has no job, lost the house and NOW IS PREGNANT. Man, when it rains it pours. So they start looking for an apartment and on Memorial day weekend, they get into an argument and decide no apartment. They decide to just go back to living with their parents. I was fine with Beth moving back home.....and after I got over the shock of her being pregnant, I decided life was going to go on. This baby didn't ask to be conceived, he didn't ask to be born, he didn't ask who his parents were, he just will ask to be loved. WELL I CAN DO THAT. So now we are expecting a handsome little boy in November. Beth and Matt are still living with their respective parents as we are trying to buy the HOUSE NEXT DOOR!!! If we can get the house, we will rent it to them and I will keep the baby! Wait, wait, not that I am taking the baby in exchange for a house.....no no no. Beth got a good job, Matt has a good job, and they need a GOOD baby sitter. Then the lady a couple doors down will keep Jordynn on the weeks that Matt has custody of her. That way I am not stressed out with a baby and Jordynn at the same time. Please be praying that this house works out. It went into foreclosure and we tried to buy it. The bank bought it back, we can only give so much for it, and come Sept 8th(ish) we will make an offer AGAIN on it and see if they will take it. It will probably be about 30,000 less than what they will ask, but this house has been on the market for four years and no one has wanted it. So we will see if they will work with us or not. Please pray for it to be God's plan, it would so make my life easier and I could sure use that right now. But I know HE knows better than we do on what the future holds. We are just trying to help Beth and Matt out and to help them have a good start. We shall see. We are looking at the name being Jackson. I think that is so cute. Jackson and Jordynn. Jackson Cooper. I don't know what middle name, but it needs to be short! Beth went to the doctor yesterday and the news was a little disturbing. The baby is only in the 13th percentile of growth. If he does not start growing they will send her to a specialist. He is over two pounds, but it is a little scary for all the things Beth is reading is it could be placenta previa (?) or some other thing. She will be 28 weeks on Thursday. She goes back to the doctor in two weeks to recheck little guy. I will try to get a bit better about posting (for you Marge!)
In all of this, I feel God has taken very good care of me (and Scott) and the stress is just part of our life. Everyone has stress and what doesn't kill you.....only makes you stronger. I AM ONE PRETTY STRONG LADY!!!
Love to you all,


Marge said...

OH MY LORD! There is no space here to comment, so I will email. I do have a funeral and obligations here in the next 48 hours, but i will write!

Keep in mind that He give us nothing that we can't handle, because He is always with us and will help us handle it!

You are in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart. And I'll email ASAP!

Love ya!

claudia said...

Aw Geez Girlfriend! It is good to hear from you. I am so sorry about all the goings on. It's gotta be hard on you!
Just remember, I think about you DAILY...really...everytime I see your blog name, I think of you and wonder how you are.
I will say lots of prayers for you and your family, but especially for the new little guy! He's gonna feel special when he meets his Grandma Lisa!
Hang in there sweetie and keep us posted on how everything is going! Love ya friend!

Paxie said...

Goodness gracious!! If my life had been like that the past six months, I would have had a nervous breakdown, so YES you are a strong woman!! I knew that though.

I pray you get the house and I'll keep you all in my prayers and that little Jackson will gain and thrive!

Always thinking of you hon and blog more often okay? LOL

Mental P Mama said...

Well they say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I'd say you are Superwoman right about now. Hugs to you....