Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Exhausted

Need a Vacation!!
Well I can't believe that once again a month has passed and I have not written. As you can tell I am pretty much out of the blogging business. My life right now is CONSUMED by one young man. I never knew how blessed I was until I brought Todd into our home. He is a really good kid, but it is so much work. When you do not raise them from the start they bring to the relationship ....a lot of different life styles. I think the word "baggage" has a negative connotation but I guess it is true in a way. Baggage is stuff you bring with you after all. So I guess it is in fact a true statement.
I am working very hard on helping Todd with so much. His homework is a constant battle. I believe he is just now not bringing it home so I will stay off his back. We did some money from Social Security to help take care of his needs. I appealed the fact that they cut it off, but it was a good thing they did or he would never have been kicked out of the "other house" and would never have been in contact with my son and me. So all things happen for a reason and everything works for the good when God is in control. We have started the process of getting him tested and getting the teachers off his back about his work. I have pressed pretty hard and may have made a few ...less than friends because of it. I don't care. I don't have any other children who will go through that school system, and I will not...NOT be pushed around by people who are PAID and have personally selected that field to be in a classroom to teach ALL children. He has a few that take it seriously and are trying to work with Todd, and then there are some others that as of right now I would not give you a plug nickle for. I am backing off and letting the director of special education take over and do his job. Yesterday I got an email that Todd is eating too much candy and eating it in class. I have told him to not do it, but he sneaks it anyways. So I am just waiting till I get the phone call that says he is in detention AGAIN for not following the rules. That is one that I will sure support. I have told him, the school has told him and now he needs to get caught to learn there are consequences. He pushes his luck and right now is not thinking about choices and consequences. He pushed a little too hard yesterday and we had a pretty good "disagreement". I got up to fix him breakfast and he was very rude about things. So today, I did NOT get up and fix his breakfast, I did not take him to school (Scott did) and I took away ALL the candy. He got mad at me because I would not let him take a soda to school yesterday morning. I told him to drink a glass of milk or orange juice. He said no, he would have to go to the bathroom then. I said, and soda won't make you have to use the restroom? So he got mad and would NOT speak to me the rest of the morning or all the way to school and I MADE him speak to me when he got out of the car. He came home from school still with a chip on his shoulder, so I just ignored him. By the time evening was here he was starting to lighten up a bit. I just did not push or make myself all that friendly. I was SUPER tired after getting up around 5:00 and stressed out for how upset I was over his treatment of me. Plus the fighting over food is wearing me down. He is soooo picky and will not eat healthy. So I guess now I will just have to quit buying snack food, let him lose weight again, and just make good things available. And I will have to keep his money from him or he will go to the quick shop at lunch and buy junk food. But my fear is he will start stealing if I don't give in to him some. I have never had to deal with stuff like this before. It is hard staying one step ahead, and it has become a full time job. He does not think I really do check up on him, but I do. I am on the computer emailing teachers, or talking to people or trying to get him help, I am worn out. Plus getting up and taking him to school, plus going back to pick him up is taking its toll. I don't mind but I am really really tired today. Plus Scott is not helping matters much at all. Scott acts like he does not like him. He is gruff, or unfriendly towards Todd and I do NOT like that. I have dealt with all the crap his daughter dished out to us for all those years, (and still some to this day!) I have dealt with all the stuff my own daughter has dished out and my son too. So why do we need to treat Todd any different. He agreed to bring him home with us, so I don't want to hear it from him at all. He says he loves Todd, but he just is not acting very loving towards him and that hurts my heart. So we have more growing to do here at the Jobes house.
I have been taking some pictures of others and enjoying it. I have a few more photo sessions set up for this month, this is my favorite month to photograph for I LOVE fall.
Oh I have more news....good news. Beth and Matt are fighting for custody of his daughter. I support this too. Matt has tried to be a dad to his daughter but his ex wants nothing to do with Matt. well sometimes....Sometimes she wants him back. So poor Jordynn is paying the price. Since Beth has come into their lives W. has allowed them to keep Jordynn more and more. In fact, they were keeping here four days a week till W. got mad. Then she disappeared for four weeks. Lost her job, lost her car, got kicked out of her apartment, phone shut off, and she would not let Matt see his daughter. She says it is Matt's fault she lost her job....because Matt and Beth had planned to go to the city for the weekend. I was going to keep Jordynn but W. refused to let me. She also refused to let Matt and Beth take her to the city with them. So I don't see how it is Matt's fault she lost her job. She will not give them her shot record or let them put her in day care if they have her. Well they work, hello, someone has to watch her. So she went to DHS to file for child support. No problem, Matt should pay and has been paying when he sees her to give her the money. Scott and I offered to buy her new tires, and Beth was going to fill her gas tank up, but she said no, she wanted the money not the stuff. We said....uh...NO. Anyways, Beth and I went with Matt to his child support hearing. While we were there they told us they had NOTHING to do with visitation and if we wanted to pursue that Matt would HAVE to have an attorney. God is great.....we found a (what we think)great attorney there in the same town as the child support hearing, and he has been a DA, a judge, and defense lawyer, so we are hoping he truly knows his stuff. He allowed us to make a down payment and will let the kids pay out the rest. I was very grateful for no other attorney would let them. So Monday when they were all going to court for Child Support decision.....poor little W was served with papers for custody of Jordynn. She was FURIOUS. You know, I am truly very sorry. It did NOT have to come to this. Matt would pay the child support, but when they have no home, car, job, way to support herself, Matt feels she is better off with them. And I agree. They have good jobs, a bedroom for Jordynn, food, a clean house, a car, and lots of love. they have Jordynn on a schedule, she eats better, takes naps and goes to bed at a regular time when they have her. W has done a very good job with her daughter, I am not saying she is not a good mother. But she can not refuse to let Matt be her dad and she can NOT pull those strings when she gets mad. That is not ok. Plus she lets Jordynn stay with so many different people. When Jordynn kissed me good night she tried to kiss me with an open mouth, french kiss style. I did not react, but told Matt he needed to watch out for stuff like that. That is not healthy or normal. He said yes, he noticed it too. She is so smart and talks to plain for having just turned two. She is very sweet, already is pottied trained and loves loves loves to have books read to her. I hope they get her, and I hope that W. will work with them to do what is best for Jordynn. Please keep all this in your prayers. One last note...her dad (W.'s dad) the people that kicked her out of their house for she was having a baby with a black man, now tell her she can run away to CA if she wants......Beth will be giving that info to the lawyer as well.
Ok, I guess I have rambled on enough. Hopefully this catches you up just a bit. I am really tired.....and I am having a stupid colonoscopy Friday just for fun....for turning 50!!!! ain't age grand?

7 comments:

claudia said...

Boy, I have to hand it to you. Todd is so blessed to have you in his life. It sounds as though he needs what you can do desparately. Matt and family are in my prayers for a great outcome...Jordynn needs stability....you know that better than anyone right now!
Good luck on that colonoscopy...how fun...NOT!

Mental P Mama said...

When it rains, it pours. Todd is naturally going to test all the boundaries as it looks like he has never been given any. The food battles have to be a nightmare though, and I know you know the sugar is the worst thing he can eat...what about fruit smoothies? My kids always thought they were having a milkshake;) I am thinking of you...it will smooth out. Scott is probably the first man with a spine the boy has ever met...give it some time. And take care of yourself...you are the most important part of this dance.

Mental P Mama said...

PS--I had my 50th birthday present in February. It was not bad at all. I promise.

Marge said...

Because I am so much older than you, I have already experienced the fun thing you get to do on Friday! If you can handle the prep, you will be fine! Good luck!

Todd will one day thank you for what you are doing. I promise you. He has had no father figure and no discipline and he is testing you in every way he can think of. Keep your boundaries! He need no candy, but he needs good real food. The seven foster kids we had in our home thought that a bag of chips and a soda pop was a meal. They haven't been taken care of and haven't been taught the basics of nutrition. All they know in their life is that everyone just throws a fit, screams or fights, and they get what they want. You have to help him learn that that isn't what happens in the real world.

And I'm sure that you and Scott are just the people to help him. I pray for your strength.....I remember times when I didn't sleep for days on end with worry about one of the kids. (That's my extra 40 pounds I know. Too much stress!) Oh, I still am losing sleep, and gaining weight. The other day I said that I'm in my 60's and I think I need to get a job to support a couple of my 40 year old adopted kids!

And this is getting too long.....I should just email or call! Love ya!

Debbie said...

I don't have anything to add because I agree with what others said. I admire you and Scott so much for helping Todd and he is blessed to have you and your family helping him.

Your "test" is over by now and see? It wasn't bad.

P.S. I came on Wednesday, but got a phone call and never commented. Duh. I am thinking of you girl and especially agree with MPM. Be sure to take care of yourself as well. xoxoxoxox

Joni said...

Phew....after reading all that, I'm tired too! Glad to be "caught up" a bit though. Keep doing what you're doing and don't ease up. Todd will appreciate your efforts down the road...may be difficult now, but it will get better.

Happy fall!

Daily Muse said...

Wow! When one sees that you have so many situations going on right now, well...just Thank you for always being here for me! I love you!